smugsbunny:

whoopsimightbegettingsued:

Welp
"I didn’t feel like reading that night, so I went downstairs and watched a half-hour long commercial that advertised an exercise machine. They kept flashing a 1-800 number, so I called it. The woman who picked up the other end of the phone was named Michelle. And I told Michelle that I was a kid and did not need an exercise machine, but I hoped she was having a good night.
That’s when Michelle hung up on me. And I didn’t mind a bit."

Stephen ChboskyThe Perks of Being a Wallflower (via feellng)

tumbrlplug:

*drops food and says Ctrl+Z*

(via beyoncevevo)

smaugchiefestofcalamities:

Chris Pratt, Ladies and Gentlemen.

(via moriarty)

victorhugofuckyourself:

whitedenimjacket:

victorhugofuckyourself:

"are there any characters you don’t headcanon as queer?”

why would i want to do a thing like that

yeah let’s keep on eroticizing homosexuality it’s such a blast

you hear that guys I a queer person am fetishizing queer people by desperately searching for representation in a world where I have pretty much none why didn’t any of you guys tell me

(Source: officialheinzdoofenshmirtz, via autisticspyro)

haleycue:

pandamiglio:

My dog destroys things then acts like he doesn’t even see it

Dying

(via the-absolute-funniest-posts)

amyhartofey:

every drawing book ever

amyhartofey:

every drawing book ever

(Source: amyhartofeyyyy, via petiteelfqueen)

mostlygreenday:

your tumblr is one of those things that you want everyone to see but at the same time you never want to show it to anyone

(via jakeby)

didipenny:

I’m convinced in 30 years Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson will basically be Mr Incredible and Frozone

(via waywardly-carrying-on)

  • DC: Wonder Woman is too difficult to find a movie audience for-
  • Marvel: YO YOU LIKE BLACK WIDOW? HERE SHE IS IN THE NEXT CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE WITH A TON OF SCREENTIME AND MAJOR ASSKICKING SKILLS
  • DC: We can't allow the lesbians in Batwoman to get married in the comic, sorry.
  • Marvel: HEY GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA FEATURE A GAY WEDDING ON THE COVER OF AN X-MEN ISSUE
  • DC: The new direction for storytelling needs to be dark, gritty, mature and cynical.
  • Marvel: DUDE CHECK IT OUT LOKI GOES SPEED DATING IS THAT NOT THE BEST SHIT EVER
  • DC: After years of rumors, the Superman/Batman movie is finally coming, but with a new actor and suit for Batman and MAYBE a cameo from Wonder Woman.
  • Marvel: PHASE 2 MOTHERFUCKERS EVERYONE IS IN EVERYONE'S MOVIE AND THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN US NOW
  • DC: We can try to add maybe one or two 'people of color' to our lineup...maybe...
  • Marvel: NEW MS MARVEL THAT'S MUSLIM AMERICAN, BITCHES.
  • DC: We feel no problem with Batman's vengeful personality being like wet cardboard.
  • Marvel: NEW LATINO GHOST RIDER WHO SEEKS VENGEANCE WHILE TAKING HIS AWEET LIL BRO FOR ICE CREAM
  • DC: We can't mention any superhero titles in our movies, that's ridiculous.
  • Marvel: FUCK YEAH YOU WANT A RACOON VOICED BY BRADLEY COOPER WITH A GIANT GUN? YOU WANT VIN DIESEL PLAYING A TREE? AMY FUCKING POND PLAYING A SEXY BALD SPACE PIRATE? HERE YOU FUCKERS GO
  • DC: Our fanbase is mostly white males, I'm sure our focus is-
  • Marvel: NEW SHE HULK LINE WHERE SHE GOES TO COURT THEN SAVES NEW YORK
  • DC: Wait-
  • Marvel: NEW FEMALE THOR
  • DC: I didn't-
  • Marvel: NEW BLACK CAPTAIN AMERICA
  • Marvel: TAKE ALL THIS COOL SHIT MARVEL BE OUTIE
  • Marvel: PEACE

shortflamingo:

hyperheartz:

i wish i was thinner but i also wish that i didn’t wish I was thinner

I never knew it could be said so accurately 

(via waywardly-carrying-on)

corneliapornelia:

How did they get anything done before she came along 

(via littlemisshamish)

harryspankme:

this girl in my class today was writing a ton of stuff on her paper while we were taking notes and i was like “woah what are you writing did i miss something she said” and the girl laughed and was like “oh i’m not taking notes this is a list of things that annoy me”

(via circumcising)